So many hats to choose from -- which will I wear today? There's the mom hat, the lover hat, the upstanding member of society hat, the other hats people put on me: daughter, woman, writer, homemaker....
I am all those things. Sometimes I'm cooking dinner and bathing the kidlet. Sometimes I'm vacuuming and dusting. Sometimes I'm tied to the bed and sometimes I'm doing the tying. Some might be outwardly shocked to find out that I can and do enjoy carnal sex as a woman. Some might want to tuck their toys away deeper into dresser drawers before acting like they've never had an orgasm.
It seems that sex is used as a weapon to separate the God-fearing Christians from the rest of the heathens. Well, if you're a believer in God, how can you not believe that it was His gift to His children? And if you don't believe in God, then why does it matter that God-fearing people enjoy sex? But before this turns into a blog about God, let me just say, it's not. It's about sex as a weapon.
There's the rape aspect of this topic. I'm not touching on it at this time. Maybe later; maybe not.
But we use sex to classify people these days: monogamous, hetero-/homosexual, swinger, BDSM, Dom/domme, Sub, slut, prostitute, player, cheater, hussy, cad, trollop....
It seems that once someone defines you sexually, there are certain things you cannot be. The converse is true as well. Housewives, on average, are not allowed to be sex-kittens unless they are childless and therefore trying to conceive by newlywed "hanging-from-the-chandeliers" pig sex. Mothers... well no one thinks of their mother as having sex at all, let alone kinky wild sex with leather and lace. And remember high school? If you got the reputation of being a slut, everyone wanted to date you at least once (twice if it was good or you didn't put out the first time), but no one wanted to date you seriously.
The weaponry of the sport of stereotyping sexuality is that it can cause feelings of guilt or shame or remorse. It can even cause a person to stifle that part of themselves instead of embrace it. "I'm a mom, I can't enjoy sex on the kitchen counter in the middle of the day while the baby's napping... that's just wrong!" Or "What would the church think if they found out we like to use adult toys in the bedroom!" or even something as simple as "I'm middle management... I can't just have sex in the back of the car on a date... what would my bosses say if they knew?"
Why does it matter? Why are we as a society so preoccupied with everyone else's sexual secrets to the point of keeping sexuality taboo? If you're not having sex in the auditorium during the sermon, or on your boss's desk while he's on the phone, that is. I, for one, am no June Cleaver. I do not wear aprons and crinolines. I embrace the line from Usher's song "Yeah": "a lady in the street and a freak in the bed."
Some pious, insecure types will not agree with me. Good for you. Keep your legs closed and your significant other wanting more than you'll ever be. I will continue to keep my bedroom a veritable playground. I will never let you see that in public. You won't know by the way I dress or the way I act. But men will fantasize about me and women like me. Women who know how to lust without regret or remorse. Women who make love with their entire bodies, their imaginations, and their desires.
I am no less a mother, a woman, or any hat-wearing, stereotypically-defined, descriptive noun that you want to attach to me for my carnality. And I am learning not to let my sexuality be used as a weapon against me.
I hope this rant inspires some of my readers to philosophize about their own sexuality and go pursue a good hard, guilt-free orgasm.