Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Forgetting

The sky is growling at me right now. I sympathize with it. It's been a tough day.

The thing is, when a day gets tough, I get through it with gritted teeth and held tongue. Okay, mostly held tongue. There are times when the tongue does a double flip with a half twist straight into a cesspool of things that should've been left unsaid. Oops. Apologies ensue, and eventually all is well again.

With kids, though, one can never tell if the apologies will still end up leaving permanent scars across their psyches. Yeah, they're resilient. Yep, they're pretty darn unconditional with their love. Oh sure, they're forgiving. But it's not any of those things that worry me; it's the forgetting.

I, for one, can remember plenty of horrible, sarcastic, cruel, cold, unemotional, thoughtless things that loved ones spewed out at me. Sometimes because of me, sometimes because they were transferring other frustrations onto me. Yeah, I forgave said loved one. But I never forgot.

Big brown eyes and large blue/green eyes gaze at me every day and expect me to get it right. Or as close to right as humanly possible. I'm still a superhero to them. Sometimes I choke on the superhero cape.... The easiest thing to forget, however, is not that I have said hurtful things when I wasn't thinking, but that I'm still their superhero. When do I remember? After I've tucked them into bed and they're asleep and it's too late to bury my tough day under hugs and kisses and smiles and giggles. The next morning they always greet me with a smile like nothing was ever wrong. They certainly seem better at forgetting than I am. That's a good thing, too.

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