Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Playing the game

Yes, I have always been a sucker for men in uniform. Despite the fact that I have always avoided them. For example, growing up as a kid I was introduced to the amended version of "If you need help, ask a police officer." My version was "if a man dressed as a police officer ever comes to you and says he's been looking for you, run as fast as you can in the other direction, but if you ever need help, find a police officer."

No wonder I'm a bit ambiguous at times....

Nevertheless, the warning I should have been given would be "Don't ever sleep with a virtual stranger, even if he is a firefighter."

Now, I appreciate and respect firefighters. They have tough jobs, and there are plenty of other professions that take less work, less physical and mental demands, and pay better.

But when I was very young and stupid, emphasis on stupid, I stumbled into a situation that a less naive, less trusting person would've seen long before I consumed three beers, 1 bottle of Hot Damn, four fuzzy navels, 6 peach schnapps shots, some homemade concoctions I couldn't recall nor identify now, and a large daquiri (drive-thru, of course).

Well, I was young and very stupid once, and I did drink without regard to consequence, and I did find myself passed out in an upstairs bedroom behind closed doors while the impromptu party was still going strong downstairs, and my room and my sleep was interrupted by a young firefighter still in training, who thought that my night would not be complete without drunken sex that I did not ask for, did not want, and protested at the time. Let me tell you, it was a sobering experience.

To add insult to injury, the next day he called me and said he needed to talk to me. I did inquire as to why, but he would not divulge that until he saw me in person.

So to appease him, I agreed. His big secret? "You know I used you, don't you?"

No, genius. Couldn't figure that out on my own. Thanks for the tip. Jerk.

I learned some important lessons that day: 1. Stay sober at parties, even if the party starts out as just you and your best friend. 2. Lock doors, even if they aren't yours to lock. The owner of the room can always knock when they want in. 3. Don't trust people because of their job title. 4. Despite current vernacular, hate the playa, not the game. "The game" can easily be likened to a game of Monopoly: you can't win if you don't play.

The best thing I learned was control. Take it, keep it, use it. ...And that, kiddies, is "how I became a dominatrix...."* Now let me wiggle out of this leather....

*If there even has to be a disclaimer for this sentence, you have no sense of humor. Really.

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