Thursday, July 13, 2006

Day for disasters, indeed

Al prophetically wrote the comment "Have a happy birthday but go easy on the birthday candles on your cake, this may be your day for disasters."

Al, with all due respect, please don't ever prophesize for me again. It's nothing personal. Just Murphy kicking me in the rear end with all he's got, and laughingly accusing you of being the catalyst for it. No, not really. But the irony cannot go without notice.

Dear reader, I promised myself I would not let my personal life become an interfering whine here. And I will make good on that promise. So without any further ado or sugarcoating:

My father has taken a turn for the worse. I have been called "home" to his side as his time is quickly drawing to a close on this earth. Tomorrow I will prepare to travel and either begin my own journey across country (Thomas, couldn't you have planned your own trip a little better and we both could've saved on fuel expenses!), or take a final respite and leave out early Saturday morning.

For those that know the man, my father, his body is shutting down. The complications are piling up. The cancer is winning and the chemo is wrecking havoc on his body. The doctors say "come now", and I am going, two small children, one wheelchair, a plethora of medical equipment (for my daughter with spina bifida) and enough clothes for the swimming pool and the graveside in tow.

If you are an avid reader, please bear with me for the next few days. I will blog when the opportunity arises, trying to maintain my schedule as I always have, for my own sanity. Tomorrow morning (Friday) will probably not be a time for a new blog, so I am writing now.

I am also thanking all of you in advance for your well-wishes. For those of you who already have news of this situation, your thoughts and prayers have already been felt by me, and I thank you for them. It is through your outpouring of love that I am remaining as strong as I have been.

I have not always been the daughter my father wanted me to be. I have not always been proud of myself, let alone him of me. Mistakes have been made on both of our parts over the course of my life that I have learned from. The greatest of these was when I finally learned how to forgive and let go. The last few years have been the best of my life with regards to my relationship with my father. I am not nearly as sad that this chapter of my life seems to be coming to an end as I would have been had I not ever had this chapter at all. I go home to my father's side with no regrets and a heart full of good memories and love.

So many people do not get the chance to make their peace until they are on their deathbeds. I was blessed with a man wise enough to make peace with me while there was still a chance to enjoy life together, and I was smart enough to embrace the opportunity. I wish we were all so lucky. I also write this knowing that I have one other in my life with whom peace must be made at some point, without me being the one to sacrifice my sanity, my morals, my better judgement, and my beliefs for it to happen. This one person knows who they are, and disagrees with me in that I would have to sacrifice any of these things, ergo the standoff. To that person, should they ever read this: I am at peace with you, even as I disagree with you wholeheartedly on so many issues. These issues are, at the heart of them, mine to be responsible for legally, morally, and ethically. While I value your opinion, please do not require me to act according to your will, subconsiously or consciously. Please let our peace be one of mutual love, even if it is not necessarily mutual like.

Enough of these vagarities. This began as a blog about my immediate future, and there it will end. I leave you all begging any of you that have grievances to be forgiven that you consider doing just that. Life is too short. Cliche, sure, but oh so true.

1 comment:

Kbotwinik said...

Happy late birthday! Greg and I remembered the birthday, just not whose! Are prayers are always with you, take care on your journey.