Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Drunken Gator Wrestling

The Onion entertains again! This time with a lively story about research conducted by LSU regarding alligator-drunken people relations. Their findings: "researchers have concluded that people's drunkenness does not impair the ancient reptiles' ability to inflict enormous physical harm."

The article continues... "'Our data strongly indicates that human intoxication does not transform an alligator into a docile creature that enjoys wrestling' said professor Ryder McCrory, chair of the Wildlife Taunting Department of LSU's prestigious Center For Bullying and Hazing Studies."

McCrory goes on to state that "In 10 out of 10 documented cases of violent alligator-drunkard encounters, the reptile was not influenced by the fact that the victim was 'just kididng' or 'just having some fun.'"

From there the article just gets better. McCrory offers these suggestions as alternatives to tackling an alligator while drunk: "seek another form of drunken recreation, such as attending a strip club, burning a pile of tires, or painting one's buttocks with a funny face and videotaping it."

Now I have known in my time The Breaux's, Tibideaux's, Roubidoux's, and quite a few other good Louisiana folk, and to my knowledge, none of them have ever taken on an alligator while drunk. Bob, on the other hand.... Well, he took on an unsuspecting broken-down International tractor in a field one night, believing that he was invincible and it was a sentinel escaped from "the matrix". He had had one too many that night at the drive-thru Daquiri stand. Pina Colada. Sad, really.

1 comment:

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